Dealing with it

Ok, now that I've spilled my guts finally in public blogform about my latest news, I have decided that I will try to talk about what I am doing about it here, too.

In the real world, few of my friends and even fewer acquaintances have any idea about my recent diagnosis with macular degeneration. I don't know how to abbreviate this, because the MD acronym belongs to muscular dystrophy already, and the technical term for what I have is usually age-related macular degeneration, or ARMD. Since I fall outside the real parameters of it being age-related, I am going to christen this little speed bump in the road of my life MacDee, for my own purposes. Beats spelling it out every time. Besides, McDonald's already has Mickey D, and they would sue me if I used that.

Last year, about this time, I was at a county fair when some gentleman thrust a little credit card sized magnifier with advertising on it into my hand. I made a little fun to a few people about what it said on it: Promoting Independence, State Division of Services for the Blind. That wasn't funny, but I thought it was odd that it would also have a TDD number for the Deaf listed on it. That little bit of sport has come back to haunt me.

I had the thing in my purse, because it really is handy for telephone books and roadmaps which can be infinitessimally small. I dragged it out yesterday, and decided to call the toll-free number and see what sort of advice they could give me for the future. I dialed the number, but I hung up the phone. I couldn't find any words. I was...embarrassed. Maybe that's not the right word. I just didn't know how to ask or what to ask.

So I copped out and went online. There it was, Arkansas State Services for the Blind. Ok, now what. Look at the "qualifications" section. Here's where it gets tricky. I don't fit the first two categories, and the third is iffy. That says that you have rapidly deteriorating eyesight. How quick is "rapid"? It's all so confusing. What am I doing here? Are they going to disqualify me for not being "blind enough" yet? When do I reach that point? Do I have to wait until I can't read the print on the page to ask for some assistance?

I take a deep breath and fill in the form for consultation. All they can do is tell me no, right? I get down to the comments section and try to decide how to phrase this. I just lay it out there: "I have recently been diagnosed with macular degeneration, and I need to know what questions to ask and to whom I should be asking." That was it. How hard was that? I hit send.

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I worked all day today packing quilt patterns to ship out to my vendors. I took a couple of phone calls that led to new clients to sell my patterns. With the packing finally done, I drove out to UPS to drop off the box to Keepsake Quilting, the catalog people who sell my patterns internationally. Swinging back around through town to my mailbox, which was empty, I drove into Taco Hell and picked up a kid's meal for myself. Two tacos and the crunchy cinnamon twisty thingies and a small Dr. Pepper. Cheap eatin' and I'm sick of ramen noodles. Tomorrow the eagle shits and I get paid. I hand the cashier my pocket change that I dredged up from the couch cushions and the car seats and drive away happy with the fragrance of the tacos tempting me from that brightly colored kid's meal bag.

My landlord is next door when I drive in and I think about how this looks...me carrying in tacos when I have asked him to let me pay partial rent during the verrrrrrry lean month of August. He's a wonderful guy, so he waves, and if he thought anything about it, it sure didn't show. But it makes me ashamed anyway.

I walk in my front door to be greeted by the cats, and find the caller ID blinking. It reads "AR STATE", and a local number, and there is a message waiting. I dial the message number, and it's a man from the State Services for the Blind. It's after 5:30 PM, so I don't return the call. Wow...was that fast. I am used to dealing with the veteran's affairs, and you are lucky to ever get a callback.

I will call him in the morning. I don't know what I will say, but I suppose it will come to me. Stay tuned.